DESCRIPTION: Kanata learns that a mysterious alien has infiltrated the ship. Yun-Hua's just been found unconcious on the floor. Now everyone must know what's going on
CHARACTERS: All of class B-5, polymorph
KEY WORDS: Comedy, survival "horror"
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INT. CORRIDOR.
Kanata and Zack arrive at the scene. Yun-Hua lies unconscious on the floor.
KANATA: Oh crap!
ZACK: We’re too late!
KANATA: I’ll find Quitterie. You try to gather everyone in the dining hall!
ZACK: On it!
INT. DINING ROOM.
Everyone sits down at the dining table. Except for Yun-Hua, who lies down unconscious on the table. Quitterie tries to tend to her.
LUCA: No way… We’ve got an alien on the ship?
KANATA: Yeah. A hostile one.
ZACK: We were going to inform you all under better conditions, but this was just too urgent.
LUCA: Damn… It’s just like in the movies! Alone in some space ship, some killer alien on board, everyone disappears one by one… Until there’s only one survivor whose fate is up to the audience to interpret!
Luca giggles menacingly. Funicia looks traumatised.
QUITTERIE: Shut up Luca, you’re scaring Funi!
Luca shrugs. Quitterie continues tending to Yun Hua.
ARIES: How is she doing?
QUITTERIE: Weird. There doesn’t seem to be any external damage. Scanners say she hasn’t lost any blood either. She seems to be fine altogether, as if she’s sound asleep.
Yun Hua’s eyes open slowly.
QUITTERIE: Yun-Hua! You’re awake! What happened?
YUN-HUA: I don’t remember.
QUITTERIE: Do you need anything?
YUN-HUA: Yeah, an orange juice. And a fan. It’s pretty stuffy.
QUITTERIE: Um… Okay? But we don’t really have OJ here.
YUN-HUA: Whatever, any fruit juice, I don’t care.
QUITTERIE: What in the… Did you hit your head or something? What’s with all the attitude?
YUN-HUA: Huh! Well, did you hit your head or something? Or do you want me to do it for you?
EVERYONE: [Expressing some kind of SHOCK]
LUCA: (To Ulgar) Holy crap, that's worse than you!
Ulgar doesn't even say anything. He can't even say "shut up".
QUITTERIE: That's so rude! I'm the one who actually tried to make sure you're okay.
YUN-HUA: Whatever.
QUITTER: UM WHAT? Guys, something's wrong!
ZACK: It's as if she lost her sense of morality. Hm... (pause) Quitterie, Aries, Funi - I know you are close with Yun-hua. You have never seen or even witnessed in any way Yun-hua with this behaviour, correct?
Funicia, Quitterie, and Aries all express agreement.
ARIES: She's been spending so much time with us for over a month now.
ZACK: Interesting.
KANATA: And it's definitely no coincidence that Yun-Hua's started acting like this since that alien came on this ship. Hm, hm, hm... Hey Charce, you know anything about this kind of alien?
CHARCE: Not that I can think of
KANATA: Bummer.
ULGAR: ...Luca’s kinda right, y’know.
KANATA: About?
ULGAR: Don’t act like you don’t know what he said.
KANATA: …
LUCA (whispering): I think he means the movie stuff I talked about.
ULGAR: Look, let’s just face it. It’ll be just like any other alien story. It invades the ship and we die.
KANATA: C’mon man, don’t say that! Remember, like I said-
ULGAR: Blah, blah, survival tip number 11, if you close your eyes, you can’t see or some bullcrap like that.
KANATA: Hey! I don’t say stuff like that?
QUITTERIE: Yeah, you kinda do.
ULGAR: We're getting distracted. ... What I'm saying is that it's possible.
KANATA: Well, whatever! I mean, look at Yun-Hua. She’s fine, isn’t she?
ULGAR: For now. Who knows what that thing is capable of? Maybe it's laid some parasite in her. She’d probably be dead in 12 hours. Maybe in 10 minutes. Who knows?
YUN-HUA: Jeez, it’s as if he hasn’t grown out of middle school.
ULGAR: (Bitterly) Make that 10 seconds.
ZACK: Not this again! Ulgar you are not making this easy for any of us!
KANATA: Zack, don’t get all worked up, I’ll handle this.
ULGAR: Uhuh, sure. About half the people here can handle things better than you can.
KANATA: WHY YOU– C’mon man! I just– (Sigh) Ulgar, we need you to–
CHARCE: Zack, Kanata, I’ll do all the talking from here. (Bishie sparkles) Alright Ulgar, you do realise how serious this situation is, right? We should all–
KANATA: (To Ulgar) Bro, if you wanna kill the thing just shoot it!
Ulgar stands up.
ULGAR: You guys are annoying as hell. I’m going to my room.
He leaves.
EVERYONE: …
The silence lasts for a moment.
LUCA: Yeah, I’ll go talk to him. He’s probably just as freaked out as the rest of us.
Luca heads off to the door.
LUCA: I’ll be back soon, guys!
He leaves.
LUCA (muffled, from another room): Yo, you dropped this!
EVERYONE: …
KANATA: Okay. I guess we wait.
Later… Everyone looks kinda bored.
KANATA: MAN! It’s been like 10, 15 minutes. What do you think’s taking those guys so long?
QUITTERIE: (Suggestively) Dunno ( ͡° ͜ ͡°)
CHARCE: That’s some serious talk they’re having. Or perhaps a terrible accident must’ve happened!
KANATA: Everyone, shh! I hear footsteps!
LUCA (muffled, from another room): WAAH! YOU’RE SERIOUSLY WEIRDING ME OUT!
Luca runs into the room urgently, holding Ulgar’s beanie.
KANATA: What’s wrong?
LUCA: Ulgar’s acting weird, man!
KANATA: Weird? What d’you mean?
LUCA: LOOK… Here he comes!
ULGAR (from outside the room): Luca, where are you going? Man, you’re so stressed out.
Ulgar enters the room with a smile.
EVERYONE: WHAT!
Everyone stares confusedly.
ULGAR: Huh? Why’re you looking at me like that? Are you guys OK?
QUITTERIE: EEEW, why are you talking like that?!
ULGAR: Hey. There’s no need to be so rude about it.
QUITTERIE: Rude? Um, hello?! If you don’t remember what you were like, like, ten minutes ago, you insisted we should all just give up and die.
ULGAR: Wow… I wouldn’t say that?
EVERYONE: …
ARIES: Maybe he and Yun-Hua are just messing with us?
KANATA: Huh, yeah maybe.
QUITTERIE: Damn it Luca for being such a terrible influence!
LUCA: Hey! I know at least Ulgar’s not kidding! This is serious!
QUITTERIE: Well, I hope you’re joking.
ZACK: Hold on a second… Why are there two of Ulgar’s hats?
LUCA: Huh?
He sees the beanie he’s holding and then looks at the beanie that Ulgar’s wearing.
LUCA: What’s this mean?
ZACK: The alien likely has shape shifting abilities. Be careful. That beanie you’re holding could be its current form.
Everyone looks concerned. Luca immediately flicks away the beanie he’s holding.
LUCA: Ah! You gotta be kidding! It shapeshifts?!
ULGAR: Everyone calm down! We won’t get anywhere like this.
KANATA: Y’know what? Ulgar’s right! We gotta think of some kind of solution.
QUITTERIE: WHAT. So, you’re just FINE with all this? There’s a shapeshifting alien on the loose, Kanata! Ulgar and Yun-Hua are acting weird and you’re just going with it?
YUN-HUA/ULGAR: “Weird”?
QUITTERIE: For all we know, that guy might not even be the real Ulgar! And she might not be the real Yun-Hua! AAAH, I’M SO CONFUSED!
ZACK: Quitterie, please take a breath.
QUITTERIE: I CAN’T! I CAN’T! I’M TOTALLY FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW! WHAT IS GOING ON?!
ZACK: Quitterie-
ULGUR: … Huh?
Suddenly, the beanie Ulgar’s wearing transforms gruesomely into a freakish monster. The creature is skinless, has multiple legs resembling an arachnid’s and has the skull shape of a canine’s.
QUITTERIE: AAAIIIIIIIHHHHH!!!!!
EVERYONE: [Screaming and panicking]
QUITTERIE: EW, EW, EW, GET IT AWAY FROM ME! AS IF THINGS COULDN’T GET WORSE! ZACK, WHY AREN’T YOU DOING ANYTHING?!
The creature lets out a long trunk from inside its mouth which attaches itself to Quitterie’s forehead. She passes out.
YUN-HUA: Thank goodness for that.
ULGAR: That wasn’t so bad, right guys?
FUNICIA: [Sobbing]
The creature transforms itself into a toy car and speedily drives away.
LUCA: What the hell?
Kanata tries to chase it down the hall.
KANATA: It’s gone!
ZACK: Oh, good. That nearly gave me a heart attack. I hope I don’t see it ever again.
Everyone becomes quiet. Then they look at Quitterie who is motionless on the floor.
ARIES: Oh no…! Does anyone here know what to do?
YUN-HUA: Yeah. Quitterie.
KANATA: Now’s not the time, Yun-Hua!
CHARCE: I’ll try to tend to her for now
KANATA: Yeah, you go do your thing
Charce kneels down and checks on Quitterie.
FUNICIA: (Whilst sobbing) Is she dead?
CHARCE: Oh no, of course she’s not. Remember how Yun--Hua was like when Zack and Kanata found her?
FUNICIA: Yeah?
CHARCE: She will wake up in no time!
LUCA: Yeah. I was searching for Ulgar for ages until I found him asleep like a baby.
ULGAR: Aww man, that’s such a cute description of me
LUCA: And then he turned into THAT…
KANATA: When you think about it, it’s as if Ulgar doesn’t think a single pessimistic thought anymore. And same with Yun-Hua feeling bad about doing anything.
ZACK: Hm… It’s definitely no coincidence that since that alien life-form arrived on this ship, Yun-Hua and Ulgar have suddenly had changes in their personalities. It makes me worried about how Quitterie may turn out.
Quitterie sits up.
QUITTERIE: Chill out Zack. What’s there to worry about?
ZACK: I’m sorry?
ARIES: Oh no! She must’ve lost her memory, too!
QUITTERIE: Maybe I have, maybe I haven’t - what’s so wrong with that, girl?
ZACK: You are aware that you have just been attacked by a horrifying alien life-form, yes?
QUITTERIE: Oh? Is that it? Wow, that’s so crazy.
KANATA: …There’s no way.
ZACK: Oh no. It seems... she’s lost her sense of stress and confusion.
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