Astra vs the Polymorph #3 - Understanding the Threat

WIRK IN PROGRESS

DESCRIPTION: Three of the crew have been attacked by the mysterious shape-shifting alien and have undergone drastic changes in their personalities. Now it is up to who's left to figure out how to stop the creature from making any more attacks and, more importantly, finding a way to bring their friends back.

CHARACTERS: All of class B-5, polymorph

KEY WORDS: Comedy, survival "horror"

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INT. DINING ROOM.

ZACK: We already know this alien can shapeshift, even going as far as to taking on a human form. Kanata and I have witnessed it speaking in a human’s voice to Yun-Hua before she was attacked.

LUCA: That’s crazy messed up. So it, like, manipulated her or something?

ZACK: Exactly.

KANATA: Now, how do we defeat it? And more importantly, how do we get Yun-hua, Ulgar and Quitterie back to normal?

ZACK: I can't think of anything just yet. How about someone does some research? Did anyone bring their laptop?

ARIES: I have mine! I'll go fetch it.

Aries heads to the room's exit.

KANATA: Hold on! Let's not go anywhere solo from now on, ok?

ARIES: Oh, alright

KANATA: Okay! Zack, you keep an eye on everyone else, I'll tag along with Aries!

ZACK: Roger that!

Aries exits the room while Kanata follows quickly behind.

ZACK: Okay. Let's try to discuss what we can in the meantime. Anyone have any ideas or suggestions?

LUCA: We could kill it, maybe?

ZACK: We could, however there is no guarantee that doing so will restore Yun-hua, Ulgar, and Quitterie back to how they were. We mustn't approach it too hastily.

LUCA: Okay, then we trap it?

ZACK: Sounds like a good start. But how?

LUCA: Huh. I dunno yet. Anyone else got something?

YUN-HUA: You guys are the nerds around here, make a contraption or something.

LUCA:  Some kind of contraption, huh? I can do that.

YUN-HUA: And then maybe use her (referring to Quitterie) as some kind of bait. And while it’s busy, then beef-brain can get it from behind.

QUITTERIE: Yah, sure thing! 

ZACK: NOT HAPPENING!

YUN-HUA: ...It's just an idea.

QUITTERIE: Yah, take a chill pill.

LUCA: Huh. Now I wish that thing transformed into my dad first so that Ulgar would’ve shot him on sight. Then we wouldn’t even be in this mess.

ULGAR: Heheh, that's funny.

LUCA: … Welp, at least you still hate my dad, so it’s definitely still you in there.

ULGAR: Why would I hate your dad? Sure he may have murdered the only person in the universe who showed me real kindness, but there are starving children and endangered animals that matter more than that, you know?

LUCA: There's no way...!

Kanata and Aries rush back into the room.

ARIES: We're back!

ZACK: Any sign of that alien?

KANATA: Nope! 

ARIES: Not a trace!

ZACK: Good to hear! Now, can someone do some research for us?

ULGAR: I'll volunteer.

Zack, seeming to be the only one after Kanata who is visibly comfortable with Ulgar's sudden helpfulness and optimism, nods to thank him. Ulgar switches on Aries's laptop and browses the net.

KANATA: So! You guys come up with anything?

ZACK: We are discussing ways on how to defeat the alien life-form and restore our friends back to normal. We haven't been so productive, however.

KANATA: I see.

CHARCE: Maybe a clue to defeat it is to try to think the same way it does. Remember, it’s like any other living creature. It must have come aboard this ship because it sensed it had a better chance of survival!

ZACK: That’s true. It must be after some kind of sustenance and shelter here.

CHARCE: What confuses me, though, is that it only attacked Yun–hua, Ulgar and Quitterie. If it were truly hungry, it would have consumed at least a part of them, but physically, they all seem to still be in one piece. No blood loss, no wounds, no injury. No parasites, either.

ZACK: Then what could it possibly want from us? It hasn’t touched our food, nor our water.

ARIES: Hold on, you guys… I have an idea. (pause) What if… negative feelings are what it feeds on?

YUN-HUA: You’re really stretching that far, aren’t you?

ZACK: No… That’s entirely plausible. Yun-hua’s guilt and shame. Ulgar’s overall negativity. Quitterie’s anxiety. 

LUCA: There’s no way…!

CHARCE: Oh my! Then we really have to be careful, huh?

Ulgar reads something on Aries's laptop.

ULGAR: Got something. Check this out.

KANATA: Good job, Ulgar!

ULGAR: I’ve done some brief research on what that thing might be. The best match I found was a non-human life-form referred to as ‘polymorph’,  a “ shapeshifting, emotion-stealing creature” from a popular vintage television show. Eliminate it and everyone returns to normal.

KANATA/ARIES: Wow!

LUCA: Oh, easy! Then all we gotta do is kill it!

ZACK: Ulgar, is that really the only source you have?

ULGAR: There's nothing else. 

ZACK: Hm. I suppose this is our best bet, then. By the way, Ulgar.

ULGAR: Hm?

ZACK: Can you still shoot?

Cut to: Kanata and Zack stand behind Ulgar who holds his gun. Multiple mugs with a target drawn on each one have been set up for practice.

KANATA: Ok, 3, 2, 1, go!

Ulgar aims and shoots directly at the centre of each and every mug. *Most* people cheer.

YUN-HUA: What a show-off

KANATA: (To Ulgar) Oh, thank goodness - you can still shoot! 

ZACK: Now here’s the plan. Ulgar, you’re the marxman of the team. 

ULGAR: Yes.

KANATA: Now, the next time we see the polymorph, you take the bastard down!

ULGAR: As in hurt it?

KANATA/ZACK: Yes! 

ULGAR: What? 

KANATA: Dude. You have to kill it.

ULGAR: Oh, no can do.

KANATA/ZACK: WHAT! 

KANATA:You lost your killer instinct, too?!

ULGAR: Well, I'm sorry, but killing things is just not okay.

KANATA/ZACK: ...

YUN-HUA: Look at him. He's turned into a total dork.

ULGAR: That's not very nice.

KANATA: (To Yun-Hua) How about you go ahead and kill it, then?

YUN-HUA: Eh, I don't feel like it.

KANATA: UGHHH!

INT. LOUNGE.

Charce sits down cross-legged.

CHARCE: Here is the next idea. We must prevent any negative emotions from consuming us. So, how about a nice long meditation session with me?

LUCA: Aw what? Meditation? I’m outta here.

Luca leaves.

ZACK: (To Charce) I will join you!

KANATA: I’ll follow Luca! We’ve got to be in groups of at least two people.

ZACK: Good idea. I’ll follow Aries, then!

CHARCE: Well I never!

Ulgar sits down.

ULGAR: I will join you.

INT. LOUNGE.

[something, something]

LUCA: Be right back, I gotta take a whiz!

KANATA: You got it!

Luca trots to the toilet, humming on his way there.

[SOMETHING]

KANATA: What's taking him so long? He only said he'd take a quick whiz.

Someone walks out of the women's bathroom. It's Luca.

 LUCA: Hey.

KANATA: Sup! What took you so long?

LUCA: Oh, it was nothing.

KANTA: Y'know, you gotta be more careful, Luca. That thing can shapeshift into anything. And I mean, ANYTHING!

LUCA: Yeah.

 

LUCA: Y'know Kanata, you shouldn't be so forgetful, next time. Letting me go into the bathroom all by myself was really dangerous.

 

KANATA: Wait a sec... You're not Luca!

"LUCA": ...

KANATA: HAH! YOU DON'T FOOL ME, POLYMORPH! RRAAAHHHHH!

Kanata chases the "Luca" down the hall. The polymorph shapeshifts into a ping-pong ball and bounces far away.

KANATA: Damn it, I lost it again!

 

LUCA:  Hey! Hoshijima! 

KANATA: Hoshijima?

LUCA: Yes, I'm talking to you! 

KANATA: What's going on?

LUCA: What were you thinking leaving a fellow comrade on his own!

KANATA: Ah, that! I'm sorry!

LUCA: Make that "Sorry, Mr Esposito SIR!"!

KANATA: What!

 

ARIES: Hum de dum~! 

A sheet of paper floats from an air vent.

ARIES: Oh~? What’s this?

The paper contains written text “8 reasons aries sucks”

ARIES: What?

She reads the letter.

ARIES: “Ulgar says, ‘shes a chicken’, [2], [3], “she cant even draw a circle, [5], [6], [7], Kanata says… ‘I would never be her friend WHAHAHA’ 

Aries starts to sob.

ARIES: What? No! This can’t be true! Everyone hates me? 

ZACK: Don’t believe it! Paper diaries don’t exist anymore! Aries no!!!

The sheet of paper transforms into the polymorph and attaches its trunk to Aries’s forehead. Zack appears paralysed. 

Cut to: 

Kanata gets a ring from his (some kind of) communication device. 

LUCA: Answer the phone, Hoshijima!

KANATA: O-KAY  I was, CHILL!

He receives the call.

KANATA: Yello?

ZACK: New plan. Find the largest and sharpest knife in the kitchen and give it to me. 

KANATA: Ok! Um, why?

ZACK: I plan to grab the polymorph by the limb and squeeze it until its veins burst. And if my nails don’t reach its bones first, then that duty will go to the trusty knife that you will hand me, just as I have requested. Once I stab it in the eye, I’ll sink my teeth into its neck and rip out its throat. Unfortunately, by the time I grab hold of it, the beast will have torn off both of my legs with its teeth and I will have lost a lot of blood.

Kanata listens in horror.

ZACK: I’ll gut it and request Luca to craft a beautiful portrait of Quitterie using its intestines. But by then, I should be losing consciousness due to blood loss. I will die a peaceful death with only two limbs left on my body. And then, once we return home, you can display my skull as a symbol of our victory.That will be the legacy of Kanata’s most trusted pilot.

KANATA: AAH! ENOUGH! Don’t say that crap, Zack! Now, hold on! Stay put! I’ll try to find you!

ZACK: May I ask why?

KANATA: You’re– Ugh, nevermind! How is Aries?

ZACK: She told me to go away because my very presence was annoying her. So, I did.

KANATA: OH NO…

[somethng, something]

POLYMORPH: He’s going to ask you what makes you so great.

CHARCE: My word! Will he?

POLYMORPH: Oh yes, Prince Charming. 

CHARCE: And why might he ask that?

POLYMORPH: It is because he has discovered how many ways you are far greater than him and every other ounce of life on this ship.

CHARCE: Hm. Is that so…?

POLYMORPH: You may not have much connection to your family, but blood is blood... Remember your roots, boy! 

CHARCE: Yes... I remember...!

POLYMORPH: Not only that, but you may be the most handsome young man I’ve ever met. Mother Nature sure was kind.

CHARCE: Well!